its been on my mind

before you continue, i just want to say this, after reading this, you might be mildly offended, if you are 20 years old and younger. you might even not want to be my friend anymore, and this isn't targeted towards any one person, its targeted to the current youth.

I've been thinking about this discussion my teacher and my class had a few months back, and its starting to make more and more sense to me.
we'll start at age 6, when you played soccer with all of your elementary friends in your town, and your team was called the leaping lizards or some crap like that, anyways, remember? you played a game every Saturday morning, you probably lost most of them, or you were on the team where there was one kid who was a year older than everyone else, whatever, at the end of the season, you've lost more games than you've won, but, you get a trophy, for what? what did you do to earn a trophy? what does that trophy symbolize?
you probably have a better answer than me.

you're still in elementary school, you're having mad problems coloring inside of the lines, yet the teacher keeps telling you that your artwork is beautiful, and your 7 colors mixed into a brown mess looks like a flower, why does the teacher sugar-coat this mess? instead of correcting? maybe too harsh for a child, but really, life gets tougher I'm sure.
we grow up always being told that "doing your best is the best you can do, and that your effort is always the most important factor"
but we all need to stop lying to ourselves.
say you paint a room in your house, you don't tape up anything, you get paint splatters all over the carpet, and there are many un-even lines in the rolling pattern you made, but since you slaved over this project for 3 days, and despite the terrible job you did, your parents tell you the room was lovely, but they're gonna use it for the guest bedroom, cuz no one ever goes in there anyways.

now you're in high school, you have friends, a reputation, you think everyone is watching your every move, and you're too self-conscious to sneeze in public. guess what? no one is watching you. i'm sure you're saying, "wow, kyle is a dick" but you know it. you dont realize, that everyone is too busy looking at them self, not you. now before i go on, let me tell you, i have a myspace, myspace is great, its much easier and more convenient than e-mail and i got all the people who matter to me on there,
but it does get borderline narcissistic when you think about it, essentially, its a public personal add, where you get to talk about yourself, and tell everyone your most personal interests, you even get to show off yourself in the form of pics.
all i ever see is all the hipsters that think they really are the coolest thing they've ever seen, its usually a sub-conscious thing too, they dont admit to it, but inside, they know it, they love looking at themself in the mirror in the morning, and they want people to notice them more than anything.

by the way, excuse any spelling/grammar errors, my mind is kinda blurry, and i'm rampaging.

also, believe me, i realize blogs are no different than myspace profiles, but i try to use mine mostly for posting recent photos i've taken, and people occasionally tell me they like my blogs, so sometimes i try to convince myself that people like my "art"

now the worst thing,
people who think that they're the only one with a problem, i'm not only talking about the emo's and scenester's, i'm talking about everyone, we've all gone through it.
"you just wouldn't understand"
that is a phrase i hate, its so condescending, and to be honest, i would understand, because its probably happened to me, its called life, and you cant rely on everything to be perfect, it takes me a good 5 minutes to realize i'm not the only one in the world with a problem, and those 5 minutes, its tough, cuz i have to mentally punch myself in the face. that didnt make sense and i dont care.

to most of you, this was harsh, and you're probably convincing yourself that this blog doesnt apply to you, well, to be honest, it applies to everyone, including me.
i'm just accepting it right now.
so dont call me a hypocrite, because i know it. and i cant spell, so call me an idiot.
when i say "i dont care" i kinda mean it.

stop worrying about yourself, and worry about your friend
stop kicking yourself over something someone else is pinched for
and ask yourself, do you really deserve that reward?
i probably dont, but thats cool, just means i have a reason to try to get a real reward.


sorry, but, i had to say something, i want you to read about my thoughts, because i'm the only one in the world that matters.